Women in Kitchens

One said it was “very manly of me” and the other said it “took balls” to do that.

“How did you get such a big butt?”

Yes. That question was posed to me by a Chef colleague; twenty years my senior. Let’s call him Billy. My response… “I dunno. I dance a lot.”

Internally, I was shocked. I went straight to another Chef, 'Dom'; told him what was said, and he laughed.

I brushed off Billy's comments as a “cultural misunderstanding.”

Billy had recently moved to Australia from Brazil, and spoke poor English, and as I’ve observed, many overseas cultures talk much more openly about sex, attraction, and bodies than we do.

Billy actually responded to my reasoning with;

“It’s just most white girls have flat bums. They’re not beautiful, like yours.”

Dom said I should take that as a compliment. For a brief moment, I did.

The next day, our Head Chef found out, sent me a message saying he thought Billy acted very inappropriately, and offered to have a talk with Billy on my behalf; if I wish.

This message was the first time I considered the extent of the inappropriateness of the comment. I decided I would do the talking to Billy, and so the next day I explained about body image, sexism, workplace etiquette, cultural differences etc. Billy was extremely apologetic and embarrassed.

I re-entered the kitchen. Dom and our Head Chef complimented my strength to stand up to Billy. One said it was “very manly of me” and the other said it “took balls” to do that.

I instantly lost all satisfaction from my actions; feeling I’d taken one step forward; two steps back.

But, I didn’t lose courage. Instead, I used the incident as leverage to bring up another uncomfortable situation of female objectification. The guys would sometimes stand and stare out of the pass at female customers. I understand this is something many would do; regardless of gender.

Still, I spoke up, and said not only does it make me uneasy, but imagine if/when the customers catch them. It’s not good for business, at the very least. So, that activity soon stopped... when I was around anyway.

I was grateful for these incidents because they allowed discussion. My Head Chef spoke of a female superior he worked for, who once walked up to him and grabbed his crotch; then spoke something like “where are you balls?... can’t feel any here.”

I pondered whether it would have been different had Billy chosen a different body part... “How did you get such a big nose?” Would that have been less taboo?

Months later, I entered a new kitchen and straight away, one of my male colleagues started calling me “darling,” ”sweet,” “lovely,” and then, the tipping point; “babe.”

There was no hesitation for me to use “my balls” and say enough is enough. "I’d rather you call me 'mate' or by my name," I said. He responded respectfully, and now asks for recognition of his ability to only refer to me by name.

Women of the 50s/60s “belonged in the kitchen.” Now, women in commercial kitchens are questioned, harassed, or are over-doing their attempt to demand respect.